Wednesday, January 25, 2006

A Hot 2005 (a sad attempt at satire)




A federal analysis has come to the conclusion that 2005 beat out 1998 as the warmest year in a century.

Researchers calculated that 2005 produced the highest annual average surface temperature worldwide since instrument recordings began in the late 1800s, said James Hansen, director of NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies.

The result confirms a prediction the institute made in December.


Mr. Hansen went on to say that "2005 reached the warmth of 1998 without help of the "El Nino of the century" that pushed temperatures up in 1998."

This revelation prompted Al Gore to state that he finally felt vindicated after suffering so many years with the thought that the warmest year in a century happened on his ecological watch. He went on to state that after watching Bush guide Hurricane Katrina to New Orleans in an attempt to eradicate the poor and this stunning pronouncement from the Goddard Institute, his suspicions are now confirmed that El Nino was a conspiracy carried out by George Bush and his cronies to discredit him just before the 2000 elections.

Gore is now saying that Congress should conduct impeachment hearings followed by indictments on high ranking Bush figures now that all of the pieces of the 2000 Bush conspiracy are now in place. He stated that this should happen immediately so that he can promptly replace George Bush and finish the eight year term that is rightfully his.

Senate minority leader Harry Reid (D-NV) stated that he will call for an emergency hearing to start as early as next week and that Mr. Hansen should immediately be subpoenaed. When reached for comment Mr. Hansen clarified his recent announcement by stating "the analysis estimated temperatures in the Arctic from nearby weather stations because no direct data were available. Because of that, "we couldn't say with 100 percent certainty that it's the warmest year, but I'm reasonably confident that it was,"."

Gore contributed this type of backstepping on the part of Mr. Hansen to threats and coercion from members of Bush's Administration. Gore also contacted the National Climatic Data Center looking for confirmation that 2005 was warmer than 1998. Jay Lawrimore, a spokesman for that agency stated that "his own center's current data suggest 2005 came in a close second to 1998, in part because of how the Arctic was factored in."



photo courtesy of www.gambits.com

An outraged Gore is now demanding an immediate recount and promising to pursue this matter judicially. He promises to take his case all the way to the Supreme Court if necessary. When reached for comment on the possibility of a recount Mr. Lawrimore stated that "a forthcoming analysis "will likely show that 2005 is slightly warmer than 1998."

Aides to the former Vice President say that while Gore cannot say with 100 percent certainty that he will lose this recount like he did in 2000, he is reasonably confident that he will.

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